A critical analysis of this process leads one to question the scope and the content of one's perception of himself. If we can include a prosthesis, could we also include a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and all of its accessories? Is there any limit to the expansion of our self-perception? What are the dynamics of this expansion?
If I am only the collection of my body parts, external factors partially control my behavior. If I am a deterministic sentient being, my external boundary must include parts of my environment that others also may share. For example, if I go to work in a Tee Shirt and Blue Jeans, I would be a different person. Clothes may not make the man, but my choice of apparel in a given context is unique. The hormones in my blood are part of me. The contents of my digestive system are part of me. My clothes must also be part of me. Different clothes would change my behavior as much as different hormones in my blood.
If clothes are part of a person, there may be other contextual extensions, including other persons. A definition of a person that doesn't include an existing lengthy marriage is incomplete. The performance and the behavior of the person depend very strongly on this relationship. If the relationship ends, the effect is as disabling as the loss of a major body part. In any specific context the complete definition of the extended person must include this relationship. Consideration of one relationship in defining a person requires including all of the other relationships. Each of these other relationships may include any element of the persons environment. The strength of each of these relationships may vary with both context and time. Since these relationships may include several other objects or persons, any contextual definition of an extended person can become quite complex.
We can understand the nature of an extended person by using some of the tools of Computer Science. However, we must first examine some background material and some definitions.
A computer works like our brain. In fact, our brain was the original prototype for the first computers. Each basic computer function emulates some mental process. This lets us use computer concepts and terminology to understand our intellectual development. The brain gets input from our five senses and outputs neural signals that produce specific actions from other parts of our body. Long before the existence of computers our brains were using models and interfaces to produce all of our activity.
As we grew our brains used play and other experiences to form a super-model of the world and how objects work together through different interfaces. We never really know the real world, only the inputs that we get from our five senses. Since we each get different sensory inputs and have unique genetic compositions and experiences, no two super-models of the real world are exactly the same. Therefore none of us will behave exactly the same in any given situation. The study of behavior can never be an exact science. However, the similarities in our genes and the experiences that we share let us form relationships that are sufficiently predictable.
Within this super-model of the world there is a central core of programs and their linking interfaces. This core is sentient and aware of its own existence. It can change itself for a different context or different circumstances. In the opening of this discussion I referred to the loss of a leg and its replacement with a prosthesis. In making this change the self-cognizant core must first remove the interface that linked it with the mental simulation of a left leg. It must then build a mental simulation of the prosthesis and a mental interface subroutine to link the new mental model with the core program. This new core program will behave differently in entirely unexpected areas. It may even show more empathy for other people who have mobility problems.
I will refer to the self-cognizant core of internal simulations and the interfaces that connect them as the core. In my internal super- model of the world this core is my complete simulation of me. In your internal super-model of the world the core is your complete simulation of you. In computer terminology linking is the formation of an interface to integrate part of a super-model into the core program. In psychology terminology bonding is the imprinting, or internal integration, of a being into the psyche of the subject. I will use the terms as synonyms, with the choice dependent on the context.
We also must expand the concept of words to include other types of symbols. These can include other sounds such as vocal inflections, music, running water, gunshots, or even knocks from a defective automobile engine. Non-verbal words include visual or tactile sign language for hearing impaired people, threatening gestures, menacing cloud formations, kinesthetic symbols such as pain or nausea, or even sexual arousal. We can also classify these special words as nouns, verbs, adjectives, or adverbs. They have their own language syntax, and can occur in any combination, even with normal words.
With this architecture we can form sentences that let us manage extremely complex combinations of simple models. We have even learned to use this special ability to form models that far exceed the limitations of our experiences. In our early development a model had to exist in our mind before we could associate a word with it. We knew our Mother before we learned to say "Mama." However, I don't know anyone who can experience the chemical composition of a simple sugar or the influence of DNA variations on human development. These concepts develop in our minds through Education.
Education is the unique development of an individual's complete collection of mental simulations and interfaces, referred to in this document as a super-model of the world. It starts with our first prenatal experiences. We must exercise extreme care that education's foundation in future generations is not diminished by prenatal exposure to such things as cocaine, heroin, alcohol, rubella, toxoplasmosis, or very low birthweight. A mature Society must insure good prenatal care and nutrition to maximize each generation's potential Education.
A basic part of our Education is Reading. Reading is the ability to manipulate our mental models through symbols that represent words. We can save these symbol sequences and pass the accumulated enlightenment of one generation to the next generation. By using the accumulated knowledge of former generations stored in these symbolic sequences, each new generation can add to our accumulated knowledge base.
In your super-model there is a small simulation of who or what you think I am. If your interaction with me causes a change in your behavior, you may link this simulation to your core. If a similar process has occurred in my super-model, bilateral bonds will exist that form a relationship. If this process has not occurred, you have a unilateral relationship, in which you treat me as an inanimate object. This kind of relationship is acceptable if you do not expect or demand unusual activity from me. Unilateral relationships with unusual expectations or demands usually create problems.
For example, consider the intellectual function of a subject who has a significant personal relationship with an intelligent, educated and productive partner. It is probable that this intimate contact will cause the subject to direct more energy into intellectual pursuits. It is also possible that the subject will leave the intellectual work mostly to his partner, and direct his efforts to other areas. It is extremely improbable that the performance of the partner will have no affect on the subjects performance. The new relationship is the result of changes in one or more of the interfaces.
The discrete functions of an individual form an interrelated set, with each function affecting several other functions. Therefore, as time passes, an interface that initially involved only a single function will form additional bonds through other functions. In most cases this additional complexity is complementary. When it is not complementary, it can lead to cyclic changes in interaction.
In the seventies a series of desk top programmable calculators made Slide Rules obsolete. In the eighties IBM XT Computers replaced the calculators. A Laptop 486 now does the same work in less time. My job functions also evolved from a single desk to an international consultation service. My social chats around the water cooler are now waves from some of the regular United Airlines Flight Attendants. The printer connected to my IBM XT Computer is now the H otel FAX machine driven by the modem in my Laptop Computer. My linked core programs include an International Airline with its Feeder Routes and a Satellite Linked, Fiber Optics Communications Network. Yet sometimes I still instinctively reach for my Right Boot. Old bonds may change but they last a lifetime. Every man still occasionally remembers his first girl friend.
The manipulator then methodically adds more bonds to the interface linking the subjects core to the manipulator. He continues this reinforcement until the new bonds are strong enough to change the desired performance of the subject. Initial functional rhythms can include anything from a swinging leg to a pattern of breathing.
Do you see what I am saying? (visual)
How does this sound to you? (auditory)
How do you feel about this? (kinesthetic)
If the subject is thinking in one mode and you speak in a different mode, he will consciously understand. However, subconsciously he will hear a foreign language. The new interface will not form links to the proper input nodes of the subjects core. You will not develop a functional relationship based on modes of perception. You may form other bonds, but why not use your full potential? A skilled negotiator can recognize a persons mode of perception from what he says, or even from his eye movements.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming started as a Psycho-therapeutic tool. Used car salesmen and insurance salesmen have used it for their own personal gain. Anyone with Machiavellian inclinations may eventually use a variation of it, either consciously or subconsciously. Knowledge and awareness are the only defense against the unscrupulous use of techniques like this.
A simple relationship between a human and an inanimate object is the bond between a handicapped person and his prosthesis. This relationship forms when the internal model of his prosthesis links with his core. A person with an artificial arm or leg (or even teeth or glasses) becomes very attached to (and dependant on) the device. They will not even consider living an incomplete life, (without the prosthesis). Most of them even want to wear their prosthesis to their grave.
This bond, like all other interface links, takes time to form. In this example there may even be rejection in the early stages. This is not a real rejection of the prosthesis. It is the result of the broken relationship with the lost body part. The bonding with that original part was the result of strong functional association over a long time. Bonding with the prosthesis will occur over time with functional association. Stronger functional association will reduce the time required for bonding.
For example, assume the prosthesis is an artificial leg. Bonding will occur when the user interacts with the prosthesis to resume some function associated with the original leg. Some bonding will occur if the subject simply wears the prosthesis but refuses to participate in any rehabilitation activity. This happens because one cannot ignore an artificial leg. However this link will not form a healthy, productive relationship. It will continually remind him of his loss, instead of helping him perform a satisfying activity.
Some replacements, such as heart transplants, do not produce a bonding experience because they involve autonomic functions. The object of the bonding must affect one of the subjects input senses to produce a link. A person might develop a link with a malfunctioning heart or with an external pacemaker, but such associations would likely be unpleasant.
| ____________ | ________________________ | __________________________________ |
| Motorcycles | Locomotion | |
| Automobiles | Locomotion | |
| House, Home | Shelter | |
| Clothing | Warmth, Grooming | |
| Jewelry | Grooming | |
| Pet | Companionship | |
| Firearm | Defense, Self-concept | |
| Tool | Production, Self-concept | |
| Adult Toys | Entertainment, Pleasure | |
| Food items | Feeding | |
| Money | Power | |
| Sports | Transference, Self-concept | |
| Exercise | Grooming, Fitness | |
| Images, Idols | Transference, Relationships | |
| ____________ | ________________________ | __________________________________ |
Several years ago I saw the relationship between a 10 year old girl (who weighed less than 100 pounds) and her half-ton horse. In one incident the horse got out of the corral while I was the only one home to do anything about it. Unfortunately the horse did not have any kind of relationship with me. I had no more control of him than a fly. If I got too close, he let me know it. If a horse lays his ears back and shows his teeth, I know it is time for me to leave. When his owner, the little girl, returned she walked up to him, gently touched his neck, and they walked back to the corral.
While she rode this half-ton of muscle, both had established strong bonds with their internal model of the other. The horse got affection, food, shelter, grooming, exercise, adventure, health care, prestige, security, and even apples and sugar cubes. In return, the horse took the girl with him, and let her choose the route and speed. Both the horse and the girl had long ago forgotten the terms of their bonds. They were functioning as a single unit. They had forgotten the disparity in size, and had reallocated the control and labor functions within the team. This was the result of the links that each had developed with the other. Each had included the simulation of the other in his or her core.
Consider an Actress with a sexually provocative screen image and an awkward, lonely, adolescent fan. The fan may create an intense fantasy world based on a sexual bond with the screen image of the Actress. He probably won't distinguish between the screen image and the real Actress as a person. The fan will believe that his bond is with the Actress. If the Actress is even aware of the existence of the fan, her bond is weaker. Its basis is either pity or gratitude for his contribution to her professional success.
Bonding does not require the approval of the subject. In fact, the bonding of a Rape Victim may be much stronger than that of one engaged in recreational sex. The strength of the bond depends on both the time spent in the activity and the degree of arousal of the subject. The distribution of control in the relationship is dependent on the super-model simulations and interfaces of both parties. The lack of control can only exist in a subject who believes that of himself. To change that belief the subject must change his core. (An aggressor can temporarily overpower a subject, but to maintain control indefinitely requires the implied consent of the subject.)
Alternatively, an unsatisfied partner in a relationship will often vary his behavior to change or end the relationship. The lack of such behavioral change does not prove that both parties are benefiting from the relationship. An abused partner may lack the resources to change the bonds. The bonds of such a captive partner may be even stronger than those of a satisfied partner. This is because arousal levels control the strength of the bonds.
Pleasure and Pain stimulate the production of the hormone Norepinephrine. This hormone increases our Available Energy. It also stimulates the formation of new memory associations. When we recognize a pattern of associations already linked with either Pleasure or Pain, we produce norepinephrine to get more Available Energy. We call this reaction Anticipatory Arousal.
Love and Fear are both forms of Arousal. When bonding first appeared in animal evolution, the creatures could not differentiate between Love and Fear. More advanced species can make this distinction. However, bonding still occurs on the more primitive subconscious level, where it is still Arousal. This is probably the basis of Phenomena like The Stockholm Syndrome and the Battered Woman Syndrome.
The husband of a Battered Woman also has a core. He has a sense of entitlement to his abusive behavior. He views it as an internal struggle limited entirely to this core. To him, it is like a cramp in his leg. He has never thought of his wife as a human being and an equal partner, but only as an object to control. He is unable to feel her pain, only his own.
This abusive behavior consists of a continuum that starts with emotional abuse and erosion of his wife's self-esteem. It ends in homicide when she tries to escape the escalating control and deadly violence. Each time she tries to end the abusive relationship, he becomes more desperate to prevent this traumatic loss to his core.
A Battered Woman who kills her abusive husband tries to end the relationship an average of five times. Each time he coerces her with apologies and promises to change, and the violent cycle starts again. The threat, "If you leave, I will kill you." has real meaning to her. She knows that he carried out his prior threats. She becomes isolated in her own home and this increases the bonding and the desperation. The progression along this continuum of abuse is so predictable that no intervention can stop it. If the participants understand the dynamics of the process, they can begin to rebuild their lives.
The ex-wife found a man who wanted an outstanding mate, and perceived her strength as an asset in a partnership rather than a threat. Her life became much more difficult because of the increased pressure to live up to the higher expectations of her new partner. Fortunately, she had the strength and ability to fulfill these expectations.
In each of these cases, their cores no longer contradicted the reality of their new respective mates. The solutions that these two individuals found are very hazardous, and they result in more failures than successes. The man (generic gender assumption, personality characteristics are not dependent on gender) normally misses the characteristics that he initially found attractive in his first mate. The woman (generic, again) may try greater challenges than she can manage. As a result she may suffer from too much stress or outright failure if her ambition exceeds her ability.
Sex is a potent bonding function involving several basic functions in a coordinated, purposeful activity. Both partners are sharing a significant experience. They are experiencing strong emotions about the activity. They have coordinated their physical movements. They are providing a valuable service to their partner. They may be sharing a common goal of building a family. They are becoming more familiar with the complexity of their partner. They are performing the activity in an environment that excludes most other beings. This strong combination of factors is the bonding equivalent of Super-glue.
Care giving and receiving also builds strong bonds. This activity includes feeding (a very strong bonding functions). Nurses, for example, must be specially aware of this risk, to avoid complications in their work. There are many other composite bonding functions, but most of the remainder of this article will describe basic bonding functions and the effect of culture on these bonds. Shared goals can be a bonding function in a business or professional setting. However, the same environment that supports shared goals often involves several other more overt functions such as coordinated movement, familiarity and isolation. When it exists, it is often a catalytic function, strengthening the bonds formed by other functions.
Sharing a significant experience is another strong bonding function. The Honeymoon specifically exploits this function for bonding at a critical time in a developing relationship. Shared experience is a stronger bonding function if it includes elements of risk and isolation. When I was young I joined a small group in white water rafting through the Grand Canyon. I enhanced the risk by taking one of the two front seats, and keeping it for the whole trip. I wanted to limit the experience to me and the river. I failed in that, because the bonding force with other adventurers in the group exceeded anything I had ever experienced. I still have strong feelings for these people, though we have not communicated for more than twenty years.
Gaining either physical or psychological familiarity with a person is a common bonding experience. Most people have this experience for the first time in High School Sports in the locker room. Many coaches use community showers to reinforce team spirit through bonding. Adding isolation to another common shower experience, few of us will ever forget anyone of the opposite sex who has shared our shower. If we also had intimate communication, the memory and warm feelings will last a lifetime.
The isolation that I have referred to really has two facets. The first is the number of people actually included. The second is the degree of isolation from the rest of the world. The strongest bonding occurs when two people completely exclude everyone else. In the earlier reference to the Grand Canyon, the isolation was so complete that even radios did not work. There was no TV, no newspaper, and no telephone. Not even a dog's wagging tail could tell us civilization still existed. Our world did not extend beyond our campfire.
Shared goals and coordinated movements are bonding functions for co-workers. Coordinated movements are not the same as synchronized movements. Synchronized movement is a subset of coordinated movement. Marching soldiers both synchronize and coordinate their movements. Players on a tennis court coordinate, but do not synchronize their movements. Both activities encourage bonding. Co- workers, whether in an office or on a construction site, must coordinate their activity to function smoothly. A "team player" bonds easily with his group. A maverick in the work place "marches to his own drummer" and seldom forms bonds with his group.
Coordinated movement is a basic part of the human courtship ritual called dating. This is why so many dates include dancing. There are many forms of dancing. Dancing that requires frequent changing of partners is a group bonding activity. In romantic dancing, two people dance without changing partners. They are invoking the isolation function in number, and possibly degree. Dating also often includes some feeding experience.
This is an elegant process. After a very short bonding time, the benefactor will give up everything, even her own life, for the benefit of the offspring. This bonding is clearly much more than an extension of the gestation period beyond birth. When a very young offspring of one of these species becomes separated from its mother, it will die unless a substitute mother adopts it. When an adoption occurs, the bonding on both parties quickly becomes as strong as the original bond. When a same-species adoption is not possible, a cross-species adoption may occur. In cross-species adoptions, the developed bond is nearly as strong as the bond in same-species adoptions.
Our species, more than any other, has developed the ability to relate symbols or objects to processes. (Pictographs were the first written language.) This ability probably accounts for the significance of female breasts in many of our dating (bonding) rituals. We all instinctively know the importance of this primitive feeding process in forming strong bonds. This is why dating, our socially acceptable formalized bonding procedure, includes shared food and synchronized movements (dancing).
As bonding progresses feeding becomes more primitive and closer to mutual feeding. In the earliest stages, one of the partners buys the meals for both partners. If the process pleases both partners, they may sample food from each others plate. They may even feed a few bites from their plate to their partner. In later stages hand feeding may replace the fork or spoon. As bonding progresses, one partner may prepare the entire meal and serve it in the territorial space of that partner.
One variation of using feeding as a medium for bonding is the "Peanut Butter Game" used in sexual foreplay. In this process, one party feeds small bites of peanut butter to the other party using only their fingers and mouths. Peanut butter is effective because its viscosity requires that the mouth be an active participant in the procedure. Within the bounds of the inhibitions of the participants, they can apply this substance to other parts of the body. This can lead to progressively more intimate sexual contact. Other cultures have used variations of this technique based on mixtures involving honey or thick molasses. If you plan to use this bonding technique, you can add crushed mint leaves, cinnamon, or lemon juice to the Peanut Butter. If you always use the same additives, the unique taste will become a bonding reference. Then you can use this romantic flavor in any meal to recall the shared intimacies.
The most aggressive use of feeding as a bonding technique uses direct mouth to mouth feeding. In its most common form one party assumes the role of the provider while the other party is the consumer. The provider partially chews a small bite and transfers it, mouth to mouth, to the consumer, who finishes the chewing and swallows it. Both parties should practice good oral hygiene before this process. However, this process passes no more germs than deep kissing. Kissing is the traditional symbolic function that emulates mutual feeding.
In the United States, the participants agree on their roles in advance and do not exchange roles during the entire meal. They may change roles for alternate meals, but often the parties have individual inhibitions that make one combination more effective. Other cultures may define the roles more rigidly. The strength of the bonding effect is independent of the role assignments.
Bonding changes and expands the subjects self-identity. Suppose a subject feels that he lacks physical beauty. In choosing a partner, this subject has two alternatives. He may bond with a partner that he perceives as equally unattractive, based on the common negative perception. If he is more ambitious, he may seek a strikingly beautiful partner to offset his self-perception. Both choices can be destructive. It might be better to choose a partner based on important functions.
In addition to the Madison Avenue Hype, our own experiences, both good and bad, influence our concept of physical perfection. For example, assume that a Red Haired Girl made cruel jokes about your Acne in High School. You would probably never experience "Love at First Sight" with any other Red Haired Girl. Also a widower is more likely than a divorcee to choose a second partner that resembles his first wife. Prejudice and bias result from personal experiences, even if those experiences are Fantasy or Indirect Inferences.
There are also Sets of Abstractions and Concepts that our Culture externally imposes on us. Two of these are Legality and Morality. Both include sets of rules dictating our daily behavior and the Right Way to interact with other people. These rules are social covenants and some people make it their primary function in life to remind us of what is Right and Wrong. Through them, we know these rules.
If I lived alone in the mountains, and never interacted with other people, Murder and Theft would be Survival. Killing a Rabbit for supper would be natural. Killing a Human Rabbit (and I personally know several of them) is a major sin. Taking Honey from a Bee Hive is a Feast. Taking anything from a Human Insect is a Sin. Our Morality Keepers constantly remind us of these Social Covenants, and the Morality Enforcers diligently pursue and punish transgressors. These frequent reminders of the rules and the punishment associated with their violation, change our behavior. The complete set of Local Rules intended to guide our behavior is the abstraction called Culture. Culture is t he social environment that reproduces an updated version of itself in our super-model of the world.
However, some of us develop within our super-model a section that philosophers might call "The Seed of God." This section is a synergistic combination of Intelligence, Imagination, and Awareness that lets a few of us overcome the negative influence of early environment. At some point between childhood and adulthood, we can change our lives if we find them unsatisfactory. We call this process reforming, reprogramming, or reinventing ourselves. To a large degree we can actually recreate ourselves.
It involves finding more appropriate models and intentionally applying them instead of the inappropriate ones. About 1 percent of us can do this to any significant degree without outside help. It normally requires at least a year of total involvement with a team of trained professionals. Some studies show that if you intervene with an 8 year old, you have a 75% success rate, and if you wait until 15, you only have a 25% success rate. These studies do not consider how many of the subjects really wanted to change. It is possible that a Judicial System tried to impose the change on subjects that did not really want to change.
True cooperation requires the ability to perceive our activity from the viewpoint of those with whom we are interacting. In our super- model this is a link modifier that attaches itself to each contemplated activity and lets us experience it from the perspective of other participants. We call this empathy. The ability to control our behavior from the insight of empathy is the behavioral constraint called conscience. In our present Society there is a small, but significant, number of young people who lack this function. These individuals have no internal sense of Community Right and Wrong. With no internal brake on their behavior, they can maim, destroy and kill without remorse. For them, a burst of bullets is a reasonable response to an unintentional traffic offense on a busy street. Even wearing the wrong color jacket in a neighborhood claimed by a street gang can trigger unreasonable violence. Their every activity is self- centered and self-serving.
This conscience does not change our basic behavior inclinations for any combination of input stimuli. It simply lets us overcome animalistic behavior with cognitive choice to increase our total satisfaction over a longer period of time.
As these conscience deficient individuals interact with normal people, they create a spreading social cancer. The normal individuals must choose between a core of emasculating wimpishness and a core that is always ready to engage in retaliatory (or even pre-emptive) violence. These choices will negatively affect the core of young people who might otherwise become individuals that I would gladly accept as friends. In our society we won't be safe from our children until we make safe, decent and nurturing places for our children to mature.
Conscience and Culture also mandate that acceptable behavior in one relationship may be strictly forbidden in another. We can't say that a Father has a stronger relationship with his Wife than with his Daughter, but their acceptable sexual interaction is very different. (Anthropologists might rightly point out that this is not true in all cultures.) Incest is then a failure of Conscience and a distortion in the super-model of the next generation. Similar differences exist in business relationships. If we have successfully absorbed our Culture into our super-model as we grew- up, our Conscience will provide us with the guidance to avoid Cultural conflicts.
| ____________________ | _________________________________ |
Copyright 1997 | |
Robert Wallingford, P.E., Ret. | |
Streator, IL 61364-2940 | |
Phone 1-(815)-672-2007 | |
| ____________________ | _________________________________ |
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